We Each Need Someone to Trust
When you look at a newborn, even a 5-6-10-year-old, God made us need to rely on others. In other words, we are designed for relationships, with innate needs that require us to look outside ourselves and depend on Him and others for our well-being.
We are designed for relationships, with innate needs that require us to look outside ourselves and depend on Him and others for our well-being.
God fulfills these needs, yet He intends to express His love by meeting needs through our relationships.
God intends for His love to be expressed by meeting needs in relationships.
The Need for Trust
We each have a God-given need to trust the people in our lives—spouses, parents, and friends—whom we depend on. Trust allows us to be vulnerable, share our deepest needs, and receive love from others.
The Benefits of Trust Include:
• Creating a safe space for vulnerability
• Allowing us to be truly known by others
• Strengthening family bonds
• Opening us to wisdom and affirmation from others
• Enabling us to experience love more deeply
Without trust, we can feel isolated, vulnerable, and hopeless. This is why—for their sake—we need to be trusted by those we love. They may question our intentions, ignore offers to help, decline protection, misinterpret words, reject affirmations, belittle apologies, and imagine others thinking the worst about us.
This is why—for their sake—we need to be trusted by those we love. They may question our intentions, ignore offers to help, decline protection, misinterpret words, reject affirmations, belittle apologies, and imagine others thinking the worst about us.
Reasons People Find it Hard to Trust
Despite its importance, trust doesn’t always come easy. Past hurts, betrayals or unhealed wounds can make opening our hearts to others difficult.
Bill Murray said, “Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.” While this is lighthearted, it hints at deeper reasons for mistrust.
The fear of being hurt again can lead to isolation and disconnection, preventing us from experiencing the love and support we need to flourish.
Many don’t trust because they want control. Some don’t trust due to past abuse, unhealed wounds, and shame—”I’m not worthy of love.” Out of fear, others think, “I’ve been hurt, and I won’t be hurt again.”
The real problem is that nobody but God is perfectly trustworthy and without sin. If those whom we need to trust sin, and sin is essentially the inability to love properly, then it’s hard to trust people to love us well.
Steps to Cultivate Trust
In a world where skepticism often reigns, earning trust is a superpower. Trust is the key that unlocks doors to deeper relationships, more significant influence, and the capacity to love others more effectively.
Trust is the key that unlocks doors to deeper relationships, more significant influence, and the capacity to love others more effectively.
But we all sin. Nobody is perfect.
How do we cultivate this invaluable asset?
Trusting Jesus and finding your all in Him is the first step in building character, sacrificing, apologizing, and loving others.
No one is sinless. You cannot be perfect. But be honest and humble, and share your struggles and weaknesses. This authenticity helps others relate to you and trust you more.
Demonstrate faithfulness. If you’ve hurt another, and we all have, communicate and demonstrate repentance. Acknowledge the mistake without excuses. Since we all sin, it’s not about being perfect but honest and vulnerable—willing to admit our weaknesses and own our actions.
We must be patient, loving, and intentional about earning trust. It’s not about being perfect but honest and vulnerable—willing to admit our weaknesses and own our actions.
We must also realize trust can be rebuilt through committed love and humble actions. If we blew it big time, we must be patient, loving, and intentional about earning their trust.
Unhealed hurts create selfishness because individuals view everything through their wounds. We must allow them to express their feelings, no matter how unfounded they may seem to us, without retribution.
We must also show them we’re committed to them, care about their well-being, and are eager to work through tough times together.
Steps Toward Increasing Our Capacity to Trust
Being sinned against and being hurt ignites our sinful nature, causing anger, resentment, and isolation. If that’s you, whether this happened long ago or recently, take all the known hurt and pain to Jesus. Let Him heal the hurt. Allow God to cover and cleanse any shame you feel.
Being sinned against and being hurt ignites our sinful nature, causing anger, resentment, and isolation. If that’s you, whether this happened long ago or recently, take all the known hurt and pain to Jesus. Let Him heal the hurt.
As those who want to trust others and not be so isolated and vulnerable, trusting God helps us to open our hearts to begin to allow loving, trustworthy, imperfect others to earn our trust.
Anchor Your Primary Trust in God
God is the only perfectly trustworthy One who will always act in love, always do right, never let you down, never withhold His love from you, never fail you, never hurt you, and never sin against you.
God is the only perfectly trustworthy One who will always act in love, always do right, never let you down, never withhold His love from you, never fail you, never hurt you, and never sin against you.
By trusting Him, we can be open to trusting others, even when they’re imperfect. This doesn’t mean blind trust but trust grounded in God’s love and grace.
People say, “I trust God, but I cannot trust this person.” Sometimes, trust is not warranted. But how does it look to trust God even when those we need to trust are faulty?
How does it look to say, “God allows my heart to be open and hopeful, and I will be in a relationship with you to the degree that I trust you? And I will draw closer to you as you earn my trust.” Yet the relationship is impacted and will suffer until the other person asks for forgiveness, repents, and regains trust.